Power of the Penis EP24 Podcast
I suspect many of you out there have experienced the following scenario after an amazing date only to be left feeling baffled and deflated days after. I'm probably going to break guy code but here it is...
Imagine, you've been speaking to a guy you met online for a few weeks now, maybe a month or even two.
He's said all the right things, he messages frequently but not stalker level, he makes time to talk on the phone, seems to have nothing to hide, he makes you feel giddy, moistens your pussy with his cheeky flirting. You may even dare to dream of a possible romance with a prince charming.
The day comes when you finally meet up. You're cautious but excited. He looks even better in person, smells great, nice shoes, interesting conversation, fantastic kisser, dinner was short, you end up in his bed, he gives you the best fuck you've had in a long time and you're on cloud nine the morning after as you kiss him goodbye. The parting blow job was a nice touch, you felt he deserved it.
Then two days later... nothing. No more cheeky texts, no phone calls, emails, fax, a pebble at the window, nothing. Just that gut-wrenching disappointment and confusion.
So What The Fuck Happened?
Well ladies, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. For the entire time you've been speaking to this guy, it wasn't actually him you were speaking with - it was his dick. His dick charmed you into his bed because that's literally its only goal in life and it's extremely good at it.
Like a long-surviving relic from the stone age, the dick has evolved a supremely deceptive method of luring its prey like something out of a BBC wildlife special narrated by Mr Attenborough.
Now what comes next may trigger you but I'm going to say it anyway because I believe it's the truth.
The guy in this equation, assuming he's not an arse-hole is often an unsuspecting host to the dick which from the initial point of attraction has full gain of function and will do and say whatever is required to achieve its goal.
Right up until the precise moment of ejaculation the guy's brain has been short-circuited by a chemical high of endorphins, dopamine and testosterone.
The Moment of Truth
It's only after ejaculation that most guys are even capable of being truly honest with you, or themselves for that matter about their genuine feelings. So a few days later after you've had sex and he starts to emerge from the fog of conquest and arousal, this is when his real feelings become apparent to him.
To a certain extent, he's been duped by his own dick, and doesn't quite know what to say to you without sounding extremely flakey - that's why you didn't hear from him.
Why Is This Guy Not An Arse Hole?
Well, the difference between this guy and an arse hole is that the arse hole is fully aware that his dick is making all the decisions during the chase with very little regard for your feelings. And if he's honest with himself he'll admit that he's probably not as into you as he initially made out before luring you into bed. Whereas the non-arse hole guy may actually believe the tale being spun by the all mighty super deceptive dick which absolutely has it's own mind and it's own agenda.
So How Do You Deal With This?
Of course, this is not to excuse either guy in this scenario but the responsibility is 100% on you as the woman to address this accordingly.
Firstly, you need to inform him that he's most likely under the influence of unseen forces and is not thinking clearly.
Secondly, you need to cut through the misty-eyed sweet talk for a moment and communicate directly with his brain without his dick serving as a teleprompter.
Be direct and invite him to put his cards on the table in the cold light of day. Give him the opportunity to engage his brain and reflect on how he might feel the morning after.
The Other Guy
At this point, I would be remiss if I didn't mention the third type of guy. He's sexually mature enough to recognise the difference between what his dick wants, and what his brain whats. He'll be able to manage his raw desires and allow saner heads to prevail - pun intended. Guys like this are hard to find but easy to recognise if you know what to look for.
The tell-tell signs are that he'll be honest to a fault, will not seek your approval, and will lay out his stall from early on, giving you the option to accept it or walk away. This guy is part caveman, part adonis, and 100% authentic.
Now back to the conversation at hand.
Control the Frame
This means you need to put aside your fear of judgment and openly acknowledge that given the conversations that have taken place between you, (the flirting, the kissing, the caressing, the raw desire in his eyes and the bulge in his pants), that you are fully aware of his intentions to nail you to the bedpost.
Now, this is how you short circuit his dick. Let him know that you may actually be willing to venture down that path with him, but before you do, you require him to be honest and open about his intentions.
More importantly, you require him to be honest about whether he can give you what you want. Essentially what you are doing is calling out his dick like a troublesome school kid who usually prefers to cause mischief at the back of the class.
Call it to the front so the three of you can have an adult conversation where all cards are laid on the table. You can, of course, invite your pussy to the conversation but make sure you're the one doing the talking.
Managing Expectation and Setting Boundaries
If the guy is decent, honest and sexually mature, he'll appreciate the refreshing opportunity to have an open conversation about his desires towards you and vice versa.
He'll probably never have met a woman who is ballsy enough to invite him and 'his friend' to a sit-down.
If it pleases the court, I'd now like to draw your attention to law number 18 of The 33 Laws of Attraction by Madison James, which reads thusly:
"Set the Sex Bar: Reduce the likelihood of bad sex by making sure a potential partner is aware of what you're looking for from early on. Communicate this clearly in a manner that says - if you're not able to meet my desires and are indeed full of shit, now is the time to let me know because I want nothing less than mind-bending orgasms that leave me wet for days.
This is a very effective way to filter out the men who are easily intimidated, immature, egotistical, full of bravado or not open-minded enough to appreciate a woman who isn’t afraid to assert herself sexually. A secure, open-minded sexually evolved man will value your ability to speak your mind rather than attempt to slut-shame you for being honest and direct."
- End of Excerpt.
This may, of course, be expended to include additional levels of expectations from an emotional standpoint but in my experience, to focus on this too heavily would be counter-productive.
If you would be interested in potentially seeing how things develop after sex in terms of spending time together, let him know that you are open to it but remain somewhat indifferent.
Remember, you may be talking directly to the guy, but his dick is still present and nothing keeps his attention like a woman who understands the value of what she brings to the table, and is comfortable walking away if it doesn't suit her needs.
Suck it and See
As sexy as this may sound, when it comes to deciding who you're going to allow inside you, it's usually a highly ineffective method which relies on a lot of crossed fingers and wishful thinking.
I believe the reason for this is simple. It's a fear of being judged as anything less than a paragon of virtue and all things holy that prevents you from asking those burning questions that you'd really like to have answered. I hate to break it to you ladies, but women's intuition is usually highly unreliable here as the dick is finely tuned to hit the right chords.
I'm sure I don't have to go into the science and social dynamics behind the reasons for this but suffice to say, I don't think being coy when dealing with matters of a sexual nature will serve you well.
Nor am I saying that you should be swinging from the poles and singing along to 'W.A.P' by Cardi B. A woman is perfectly capable of being classy whilst being honest and direct when talking about sex and intimacy. Sure, you're always going to bump into guys who may respond negatively to a woman who is forward but that's the point. You want to weed these guys out of your selection process, especially when you think they are hot. Do not allow their level of attractiveness to stifle your ability to be direct.
When you can be honest with a guy who's super hot, knowing that your direct approach may actually put him off, and be indifferent to the outcome, that's when you're operating on a level most will never have the confidence to experience.
The commodity being traded here is time and energy so I suggest you weigh up the pros and cons and decide which approach allows you to mitigate your risk most effectively.
The After Sex Radio Silence
If you communicate clearly from the start and let him know that you have no expectations other than what you have both agreed, you remove the awkward feeling that many guys often experience a few days after sex.
The reason why men often feel this way is because when their dick has achieved its objective, the brain begins to regain control and is able to assess the true nature of his feelings. The awkwardness kicks in as he realises that his dick wrote a bunch of cheques his heart can't cash. Hence, the radio silence.
However, if you have already managed the expectations on both sides, this awkwardness can not only be alleviated to a large extent, it can be turned in your favour.
Retaining Control of the Frame
This means controlling the dynamic of the situation by remaining cool, calm and indifferent whilst being true to your word.
By calling him out and both putting your cards on the table with the agreement to move forward, you've entered into a verbal contract. There's something inherently honourable and dignified about being true to your word, especially as a man.
So if he reneges on the verbal contract that was agreed prior to sex, you'll both know it, and more importantly, you'll be under no illusion as to what his true intentions where.
You may still be disappointed, your ego somewhat bruised, but you won't be rocking back and forth in a cloud of confusion and disbelief, nor will you be waiting for his text, phone call or email.
This is how you keep control of your reality, retain peace of mind and move on with your integrity intact. He may have turned out to be a douchebag, but deep down he'll know that he has no rock of ambiguity to hide under, and no excuse to shelter behind.
You can never predict with 100% certainty whether a guy is going to be genuine or not but you can greatly reduce the chances of disappointment by first being aware of who you are actually talking too, and then learning how to short-circuit the elusive influence the dick has over his mind and hopefully engage in an open and honest conversation where you're both able to set your boundaries and manage expectations.
In closing, I would like to leave you with some final words from 'The 33 Laws of Attraction For Women'.
It's not about being nice, or agreeable or having to make do, it's about your ability to recognise the hardwired mating dance taking place so you can make informed decisions in your best interest. With so many feeling unsatisfied with their sex lives, relationships and dating prospects in general, clearly, a more honest and direct approach is needed.
I hope this helps you cut through the noise and filter out the bullshit in your search for the increasingly rare breed of alpha male.
The 33 Laws of Attraction is available here.
Stay free, stay connected.