The Problem With Foreplay
The problem with foreplay is that it has really bad PR. Some love it but can't seem to get enough, some see it as an obstacle to be circumvented, and then there are those who don't understand it at all.
A lot of these issues arise from the terminology itself, 'foreplay' - think about it. It's seen as some sort of warm-up part of sex 'before-play' and because of this, many of us often don't take the time to fully enjoy it.
I think mother nature has her part to play in this too. In a piece I wrote not too long ago titled 'Mother Nature Doesn't Care About Your Sexual Pleasure", I spoke about the difference between how men and women view sex.
"I've come to the conclusion that mother nature has a sadistic sense of humour when it comes to sexual satisfaction. It's also evident that she's definitely not a feminist or an egalitarian, nor does she care about a woman's ability to orgasm. If she did, men wouldn't be inclined to ejaculate within the first 5 minutes of sex while women typically require 15-20 minutes or more."
This is why I believe that a lot men (and some women too) see foreplay as a way to get a woman turned on enough to moisten her up for penetration so we can slide in there and crack on...so to speak.
And that's why the word 'foreplay' really doesn't serve us, women especially. It's not actually a term I use myself as I think it's misleading when it comes to describing this type of sexual intimacy.
I call it 'sexual communication' which is what it is, be it a caress, a kiss, a stare, a lick, a bite, a thrust, a stroke, a hug and any other way we choose to express ourselves sexually.
The word 'foreplay' not only has bad PR but it's completely ambiguous and impossible to define. Where does foreplay end and where does sex begin? How about oral - is that foreplay? How about masturbation? How about a passionate kiss? Is the act of sex only defined by deep thrusting penetration?
Obviously not, as most of us are aware, sex can be the most seemingly innocent touch of the back of the neck that causes your pussy to become instantly wet. Or it can be the moment where you lock eyes across a room and undress each other consumed by a haze of lust and desire.
Looking at the act of 'foreplay' from a much wider perspective and learning to appreciate it as an important and fulfilling part of sex that doesn't always lead to penetration would go along way to alleviating a lot of frustration in the bedroom.
But this only scratches the surface of a much bigger issue - one of instant gratification and the race to climax so prevalent in mainstream porn. I'm not against porn per se, in fact, I'm rather indifferent to it, but the way it's promoted as the epitome of sexual intercourse is not helpful as it provides a skewed perspective - like a Hollywood movie with no plot or storyline, just CGI explosions, fight scenes and cheesy one-liners.
Sex is everything and nothing, it's overt and subtle, it's hot and steamy and calm and relaxing. It's a fundamental part of how we connect with partners and express ourselves. It's not something to take out of a box and fiddle with as we limber up for the act of penetration, only to then put it away after orgasm until we next feel the urge to release.
This is part of the reason why I think the Seven Veils is such an amazing way to experience sex because it helps us (men in particular), to slow down and appreciate the more sensual side of sex that causes intense pussy palpitations and wet knickers - which I actively encourage.
With that in mind, I'll be teaming up with a top marketing agency in the new year to rebrand 'foreplay' on a nationwide scale... here's a sneak peek at some of the ads for the new campaign.
I'm kidding;-) ...but don't be surprised if I manage to pull it off one day Guerrilla marketing style - which is probably not a bad idea given the stories I hear from women the world over.
If you haven't yet seen my new Seven Veils video, you can watch it below. Hope you enjoy and thank you for all of your wonderfully amusing (and erotic emails).
Peace, love and great sex,