Admittedly this post sounds like the start of a very bad joke but it's not, it's actually worse than a bad joke and I'll tell you why.
When was the last time you overheard a mature, expressive conversation about sex whilst dining at a classy restaurant or perhaps a slinky bar? Take a minute, I'll wait...
I'm guessing I'm going to hear crickets on that one which is really strange when you think about it. Why is the topic of sex so taboo?
Every single person who ever walked the earth was produced as a result of it. Most of us at some stage in our lives will try it, and if not, we've probably heard our parents going at it, even the neighbour's cat is getting in on the action. It's literally woven into the very fabric of our society and yet so many feel uncomfortable discussing it. It's like the creepy uncle with the wondering hands who everyone tries to avoid at family gatherings - it's just not something we talk about.
Stranger still is the fact that sex is everywhere we look from advertising and social media. Fashion, art, science, music, food and even gardening and DIY have all been infiltrated by sex and I challenge you to find an area of life that hasn't. Sex has been bastardised, mass-produced, vacuum packed, shipped and sold to a society that doesn't even really know what it is anymore.
It looks great on the shelf but in reality ends up being a flavourless, nutrient-deficient pile of slop when served. Have we ever really taken the time to find out what sex means to us individually without all the fancy packaging?
Many women are conscious of giving off the wrong signals for fear of being branded 'too sexual' or inviting unwanted attention. We slut-shame women to control them whilst fantasising over nearly-nude models on the front of magazine covers. Some countries require women to hide underneath layers of clothing with only their eyes visible to avoid being pounced on by deranged men who can't control themselves. Somehow I doubt women were the ones who came up with this idea.
Sex councillors teach couples how to open up and discuss issues without feeling embarrassed about it. We have talk shows, podcasts, websites and blogs dedicated to it. We convene expert panels to help us understand how best to do it. There are brands dedicated to providing accessories to help you do it better. Not to mention porn, strip clubs and of course an entire industry of sex workers only a phone call away.
Sex in the city is Fucked - perhaps that should be the title of my new book.
How can something so important and natural be so taboo, only to be spoken of in hushed tones by the masses whilst the media and corporations shove their propagandised version of it down our throat like a bad porno.
It's a sexpiracy and we're all in on it. We huddle together in corners of the internet and chatrooms and share naughty fantasies that we'd never discuss openly. We love novels and erotic tales but hide the book cover from others when in public. We turn the lights off and try to keep the noise down so people don't know the exact moment of copulation.
Sex is a powerful weapon and ironically the last people you'd want to give that power to are the very same people we allow to dictate what is deemed acceptable. Religious groups, politicians, media and corporations all of whom have an extremely questionable history when it comes to sexuality have been the one's shaping our sexual narrative.
So how's this working out for society on the whole? Well pretty poorly considering the average couple who view sex as a past-time that usually lasts between 7 to 13 minutes including 'foreplay' according to recent surveys. Some couples have even managed to time it perfectly between ad breaks whilst watching Love Island and Goggle Box.
A white-washed version of sex and sexuality has been sold to us for years and we've bought it. Just like most mass-produced off the shelf products sex in today's world is like a fortune cookie - hollow and full of wishful thinking. (Not exactly a punchline but a fitting analogy all the same;)
In fact, many have given up on the 'wishful thinking' part altogether and resigned themselves to a state of self-imposed chastity. They rationalise by telling themselves sex is mainly hype and isn't that important like it's a passing phase to grow out of. Ask yourself, do these people really seem happy and fulfilled? Do they seem young at heart and full of beans?
Of course there are probably a fair number of completely happy asexual people who have no interest in sex at all (1% of the population apparently) but in my 39 years, I've never met one. In my experience, this type of response is usually a defence mechanism to justify their religious indoctrination or to negate the fact that there are unresolved sexual issues or perhaps just a lifetime of really bad sex - or none at all.
Sex and sexuality are literally at the core of our being and nothing, be it a group of overbearing control freaks or an invented man/woman/or animal in the sky should be able to dictate how we express that. However you slice it, it's a tragic loss when such an integral part of who we are is suppressed by shame and conformity and substituted with a generic, homogenised version of what we call sex.
Peace, Love & Good Sex,
Speaking of good sex, have you read my free ebook yet? 'The 33 Laws of Attraction For Women' - The Politically Incorrect Guide To Snaring The Alpha Male - if not, check it out! Enjoy.