I'm super excited to share this interview with you all as it's a subject that I encourage all women to explore. Along my travels, I caught up with Amber Leitz to discuss earth-shattering orgasms, sexual healing, jade eggs and how you can take your sex life to the next level with some insightful advice.
Amber Leitz is a feminine sexuality mentor, erotic guide, jade egg teacher and ritual sex magic lover. She teaches and invites women into practicing the art of devotional eroticism, sacred sexuality, and orgasmic awakening.
She supports women in remembering and reconnecting back to their deeply erotic nature and the holiness of their sexuality through embodiment practices, sexual energy cultivation rituals and various self-pleasure techniques. She believes that the erotic is a woman’s key to deep transformation, ecstatic sex and, ultimately, divine love and union within.
She weaves body, mind, heart and soul together to unite sexuality, spirituality and love within a woman’s body so that she can radiate that energy into every area of her life and feel deeply fulfilled, sexually satisfied and turned on to her innate sexual energy.
Here's how our little chat went down...
1. Can you describe one of your most intense orgasmic experiences?
Wow - so hard to choose, because I’ve had a lot of these! I’ve had so many powerful self pleasure and partnered experiences, but I’ll share one that involves my partner. I think one of the most intense was the first time I experienced a vaginal orgasm with a man from penetration. It was always really hard for me to let go and fully surrender during vaginal sex with a man because I never really felt safe or truly connected, until my current partner.
He was the first man I had an orgasm of any kind with. This was about three years ago now and it was unlike anything I’d ever experienced before. He took his time with me, let me move my body in more fluid, slow ways and I was able to breathe deeply and use my sexual energy to expand it even deeper into my body.
I felt safe to let go with him and that ultimately changed my life, because I knew that I was capable of experiencing even more pleasure during partnered sex than I ever thought was possible and it enhanced our sexual, emotional and romantic connection.
2. What does it mean to 'hold space' for someone and what is the benefit of this?
Holding space to me means that I’m fully present with someone, witnessing them and simply being there with them -- ALL parts of them, which makes them feel safer to let go. They get to go deeper into their own body. When I hold space, I’m simply witnessing or listening and allowing them to sit in any emotions, feelings or thoughts that might arise for them.
I might also be guiding them into a sexual-spiritual-emotional journey through their body and sexual energy, if it’s a client. It’s basically like I create an energetic bubble of presence around them where they can fully process or revel in their experience, whether an orgasmic or emotional experience or anything in between, and know that they have someone there keeping that container strong for them.
They can surrender and let go because I’m there guiding, witnessing or simply holding that energetic container in place. In terms of holding space for my partner it means I’m listening fully, breathing deeply and not trying to fix or change him or react from my own ego. Or if I’m sexually holding space, I’m letting him have his own experience rather than trying to make it about how well I’m pleasing him or if I’m doing it “right.”
3. What is de-armouring and how can it help a woman open up and tune in to her body?
Anytime you experience something that causes you to contract, shut down or self-protect, the energy and emotions experienced in that moment can become locked in your physical tissues, and even the energy body and emotional body. Armoring is the tension that stays trapped there until it’s released physically.
It’s just like when you hold stress in your shoulders and you need a deep tissue massage to begin dissolving the contraction, stress and hardness held in your muscles and tissues. De-armoring is where you physically massage and press into the tissues to release the tension and contraction, unwinding and dissolving it so that whatever is beneath the contraction (which is usually sensation, pleasure and sexual energy) can be felt again.
I like thinking of a water hose with a knot in it. The armoring is like the knot and once we untie that knot, everything will flow naturally again. I work specifically with vaginal de-armoring which is to release tension and contraction from the tissues of the vagina, including the g-spot and cervix. Vaginal de-armoring is not only a physical release, but a sexual, emotional and spiritual release.
Extreme vaginal tension often means that we’re numbing out or protecting ourselves, sexually AND in life. We’re closed down, which means we’re also closed down to pleasure, sexual energy and orgasmic ecstasy. This is why vaginal sex for women can either feel like nothing at all or be extremely painful.
When a woman de-armors her vagina, she connects back to her source of power, pleasure and truth - her pussy. She feels alive in her pussy and begins to feel the subtle, but powerful sensations of pleasure and sexual energy, which she can then harness and channel into the rest of her body so her arousal isn’t just stuck in tight, contracted genitals, but flows into her whole body instead.
Then, she can become highly, multi and whole body orgasmic! Vaginal de-armoring can be done with a finger, jade egg, dildo (I love crystal and stone dildos) or even a cock. I have an article about how conventional sex plays a role in sexual and emotional armoring of the heart and vagina.
4. What are the benefits of using a jade egg?
For those who don’t know what a jade egg is, it’s a 5,000 year old Taoist sexual-spiritual practice originally based in China during the ruling period of the Yellow Emperor.
The concubines in the royal palace were the secret keepers of this practice, along with other sexual-spiritual practices that were designed to harness sexual energy for sexual vitality, spiritual awakening and overall longevity of the body-mind-heart-soul.
The jade egg is nephrite jade that has been carved and smoothed into an egg shape to then be inserted into a woman’s vagina for various vaginal strengthening, toning and resistance exercises along with gentle vaginal weightlifting. It’s similar to kegel exercises, but instead of squeezing and releasing the pelvic floor muscles as one whole muscle around nothing, you insert the jade egg, pull on the string inserted through the egg and squeeze and release while creating counter-tension and then fully relaxing the muscles, which is even more important.
She can learn how to isolate all three sections and both sides of her vagina and even learn to give a ‘vaginal handjob!’ This practice allows her to create a pussy and pelvic floor that is strong yet not overly tight (overly tight = tense, shut down and numb), but rather toned, resilient and dexterous like a hand. It also brings rich blood flow back to the vagina, allowing her to get wet, stay wet and feel more vaginal pleasure and even unlock vaginal orgasms!
The pelvic floor can either pump sexual energy upwards if it’s strong and toned or leak it out if it’s weak or tense. The jade egg helps many women heal from things like bladder incontinence, weak pelvic floor, vaginal tension, de-armoring, releasing trauma and shamed stored in the vaginal tissues, stimulating vaginal reflexology points, awakening her source of sexual energy and tapping her into her full sensation, pleasure and orgasmic potential.
If a woman is interested in getting started on a jade egg, I have a free ebook that goes over everything she'll need to begin her jade egg practice. I've also had tons of men purchase a jade egg for their female partners too!
Click to download
5. What advice do you have for partners who want to explore masturbation together?
I think for those who are maybe feeling a little nervous or exposed, it can be good to self pleasure solo in front of a mirror to practice and then when it feels right, start slow with your partner.
If you’re engaging with your partner, begin to touch yourself and truly enjoy it. You can let them know how sexy it is when they touch themselves too. Or if you want to discuss it and have it be the main focus of the night, have a conversation outside of the bedroom. Here are some tips to get started:Set boundaries first on what makes you both feel comfortable. Talk about it and create a date for it in your schedule.
Figure out how you want to do it. Do you want to sit across the room and watch one another? Do you want to lie next to each other, but just self pleasure at the same time? Do you want to do it over Skype or even phone? Instead of performing, focus on feeling your own pleasure. Authentic arousal and pleasure is much sexier than feeling nothing (or even being turned off) but still trying to please your partner by performing.
Mutual masturbation is about both of your pleasure. I also have a video that goes a little bit deeper into mutual masturbation and I share 9 tips for masturbating in front of your lover.
6. What advice can you give to men to help them last longer in bed?
Men are unconsciously trained to focus on ejaculation. It might be from habitually watching porn, having to quickly masturbate before a parent walked in or never really having education around the amount of pleasure they could experience from slowing down.
Or even having education around how long a woman needs in order to fully unfold orgasmically (sometimes 30-45 minutes or even longer). Either way, men can really benefit from slowing down, breathing deeper and focusing on pleasure rather than just ejaculation or climax. This allows him and his partner to both become multi-orgasmic. Some helpful tips:Give yourself more time. Slow down and take your time.
Explore your whole body and not just the usual strokes to get off. If you’re having partnered sex, don’t just rush into quickie sex every single time. Explore her body too. Breathe deeply and imagine inhaling the arousal from your cock up your spine into your brain and then exhaling it back down the front of your body into your cock again.
You can do this the whole time or you can stop every now and then and focus on raising your sexual energy up.Practice edging. This means you build yourself up right before climax and then stop stimulation or slow it down. Then, once you’ve recovered, you arouse yourself again right before you reach the point of no return, stop or slow down, repeat.
You can do this as many times as you like and once you do orgasm, it will be more whole bodied and you’ll be able to last longer, which also benefits women who need more time to fully arouse and feel orgasmic. If you’re feeling extra brave: remove the goal of orgasm completely and set a timer for 1-2 hours, while you and your partner explore each other’s bodies.
7. How can a man help a woman achieve a state of permanent arousal in and out of the bedroom?
I think the biggest and most profound key for a woman to feel more arousal in the bedroom and daily life is to actually focus on cultivating a relationship with her own sexual energy, rather than solely relying on her man or partner to do it for her.
Her pleasure, arousal and sexual energy belong to her. It’s all within her and it’s her responsibility to stoke her own inner fires and once she connects to that, she can share it with a partner and they can amplify it. Otherwise it’s easy to feel resentful towards a partner or expect them to turn us on. Having said that, a man can definitely support a woman by inviting her into her body throughout the day.
Women can easily get caught up in their heads and it’s harder to drop down into the juicy pleasure and sensuality of her erotic body when that happens. But if her partner lovingly and playfully (and with no expectation of anything to come from it sexually-speaking) seduces her back into her sensuality, she can remember to slow down and drop in again.
It could be as simple as sending her a flirtatious sext mid-afternoon or giving her a lingering kiss, pressing his whole body into hers before heading off to work instead of a quick peck with little body contact between them.
8. How can a woman transmute her sexual energy and use it to boost her confidence in everyday life?
Breath is key for raising sexual energy for transmutation, which basically means that you transform the primal (sex) energy of turn on into a more usable form of energy, which you can then use to enhance your life or create something. Sexual energy is creative energy and it’s also our life-force.
It’s our vitality, life’s essence and ability to magnetize, manifest and create what we want. It’s the same energy that goes into creating a baby, but if you’re not using it to create babies, you can use it to create something else in your life, whether it’s more money, confidence, finding a lover, building a career, making art, etc. If a woman wants to boost her confidence, working with sexual energy is probably the best practice, because she’s using the most potent form of creative energy on the planet and it’s located in her body.
As a woman raises her sexual energy, it also awakens orgasmic pathways in the body and she feels more pleasure in everyday life. A woman who is deeply pleasured will feel more confident, because she understands how inherently worthy she is of feeling good. All of the time. Not just in the bedroom. Nothing builds more confidence then being able to harness the power of your own energy and see things manifesting around you that you’ve been secretly desiring for years and knowing that YOU created it.
If a woman wants to get started on sexual energy work, breathwork (using your breath) is the first step and I have a series of breathwork rituals that she can try out. Men can do these too, but modified for their own genitals.
9. Instead of a question, how about you share your thoughts on the issues when it comes to pleasing a woman in general...
I think the biggest issue I see is a lack of communication and a huge amount of expectation from each other. Often a woman expects that a man will know what she wants and he expects that she always know what she wants...when in reality, a lot of women don’t know their own bodies.
Or he expects that he can do the same moves, strokes, techniques and it will always work for her. The truth is that a woman’s body is cyclical and what brings her pleasure and orgasm one moment could feel awful or even turn her off the next. Communication is key!I like the idea of each sexual experience being a totally new experience.
Full of possibility and curiosity. Instead of going for the same moves, ask yourself “I wonder what would turn her on today or in this moment?” And then ask her. Ask her to show you what she likes by touching herself. Let her know that you’re actually excited to bring her pleasure and be willing to energetically tune into her. This takes practice, but as you’re engaging sexually with her, can you feel or sense her energy as it waxes and wanes?
For example, was she rocking her hips and moaning a few moments ago, but now she seems more still or almost like she’s pushing you out or away? Is she having an emotional reaction to something? Can you no longer sense or feel her? Sex has the potential to be deeply healing for everyone involved and it’s totally normal and common for a woman (and men too) to experience emotional reactions during sex, especially if she has hidden shame or trauma trapped in her pussy. It goes back to the vaginal de-armoring.
The cock (or whatever you’re using on or in her) can be used as a healing tool. As you penetrate her, reflexology points are being stimulated both in the cock and vagina, which in Chinese medicine, are tied to different organs in the body, along with energies and emotions. If you’re penetrating her deeply near her cervix, you’re actually stimulating the heart reflexology point in her vagina and that can bring up old repressed pain, heartbreak, grief and she might close down, cry or even open deeper to you.
If you’re stimulating near the liver zone in her vagina she may feel angry all of a sudden, because the liver can often harbor repressed anger. The more you communicate with her, the more she’ll start to understand that you can’t read her mind and you’ll be able to bring her more pleasure, which I’m guessing brings you more pleasure too. It’s a win-win situation!
Thanks Amber, that was awesome, really appreciate it, I'm sure many women will find this interview insightful and hopefully empowering.
You're welcome Madison, thanks for reaching out.
Amber & Madison x
If you'd like to find out more about Amber, check out her website.
Women's Sexuality Coach | Jade Egg Shop