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In an age where even the very biology of being a woman is up for debate, it's important more now than ever to embrace who you are as a strong, sexy, independent woman. Here are 10 secrets to help you develop your inner badass in today's world.
1. Stop Seeking Approval
Seeking approval from others instantly moves your frame of reference outside of yourself and gives it to someone else. From parents to teachers, work colleagues to partners. This is learnt behaviour from the moment you open your eyes and is hardcoded into your psyche by the time you leave school. Social and cultural beliefs, religious indoctrination and political ideologies are all forms of control that teach us to seek external acceptance.
Freeing yourself from the incessant need to have others approve or validate you is one of the most liberating things you can do and oozes sex appeal. The only approval you really need is within.
2. Don't Allow External Events To Define You
The mind is so desperate to make sense of everything that happens in our lives that it will readily attach itself to ideas and events - good or bad. News flash - you are not your mind and what happens in your life does not define you, it's simply a moment in time that will pass like everything else. If it doesn't serve you, get rid of it, if it enriches you, utilise it.
We all make mistakes and we all have regrets but these events do not define your reality. A woman who is able to allow bad situations to pass without making them part of her identity will always be centred and in control of her reality, which any strong man will appreciate.
3. Be Indifferent With Men
When it comes to the men in your life, the more indifferent you can be, the better, and you'll often find they'll want to please you more because of it. By indifferent, I don't mean stop caring, I mean accept the reality of the situation whilst remaining centred within yourself. It means not being needy or demanding and if they want to do something you've asked them to do, that's great, but if not, you'll either do it yourself or find someone who will.
Indifference is about accepting that fact that no one really owes us anything and our sense of entitlement is usually based on expectations that are subject to the feelings of others. Real peace of mind comes from knowing that no matter what, you can always find happiness within as much as you may enjoy sharing it with others.
4. Get Rid Of Your Echo Chamber
If you find your friends parroting everything you say and kissing your ass no matter what, it's time to find new friends. People who add real value to your life will support you when needed but also challenge you when they think you're off base. They won't be afraid to ruffle your feathers because they want to see you blossom. They won't be afraid to voice a different opinion because they are not insecure about the foundation of your relationship and you shouldn't be either.
If your friends constantly agree with you no matter what, they either don't care enough to point out where you might be going wrong, are too timid to speak the truth or need you more than you need them. No matter the reason, it won't help you to evolve beyond your current state of thinking.
5. Don't Make A Man The Most Important Thing In Your Life
If your relationship with a man is the most important thing in your life that's a problem. This means that your centre of happiness as a woman is entirely defined by your relationship with another who is under no obligation to feel the same, especially as time goes on. This is an unfair level of expectation to place on another human being.
Whatsmore, that strong, sexy, non-needy, confident and well-adjusted man that drives you crazy with desire doesn't want to be the centre of your universe because he won't make you his either. This type of man is attracted to a woman who has her own life and can function perfectly well without him but chooses to show him love and affection because she WANTS to, not because she NEEDS to. That's sexy.
6. Set Out Your Stall From Day One
Women, I'm sorry to tell you but you're too damn accommodating and you're not upfront with what you really want when you meet a guy. You're often afraid to speak your mind for fear of how you might be perceived so you skirt around important issues or even worse, you wait and see as time goes by - Don't do that! Anything that's important enough to be in your top 10 requirements when it comes to a partner is worth putting out there front and centre from day dot.
If a man is going to judge you negatively and walk away that's fantastic, congratulations, your screening process is working. Eventually you'll find someone who gets it and fits your criteria. Don't be afraid to let them know what you really want and definitely don't be afraid to let them know what your sexual expectations are because most women NEVER do this until it's too late.
7. Masturbate More
Your pussy is truly magical and if you already masturbate often, that's great but if you don't, you really should. Learn about your entire body and your amazing spectrum of pleasure. Explore every part of your pussy and find out exactly what you like and where you like it. Instead of releasing your orgasm in the morning before work, hold it and enjoy the throbbing feeling of arousal for the entire day. If your knickers are wet, good, don't change them - instead taste yourself and savour it.
Feeling wired at work? Lock your office door and start stroking your clit and massaging your breast, maybe even bring yourself to orgasm just before a big presentation or if you're about to pop out for lunch with friends. Make time to have a hot passionate evening of self-pleasure and intense orgasms with your favourite toys - enjoy fucking yourself and eliminate any feelings of shame or guilt. It's your pussy, show it the attention it deserves whenever you feel to.
This is not only your birthright as a woman and a source of constant pleasure but it also releases a certain type of sexual energy that men will find irresistible. And the best thing is, you're not reliant on a stiff dick and someone else's finger as your only source of pleasure.
8. Let His Problems Be His Problems
Most women tend to have a natural tendency to want to fix, nurture or change a man, especially if he's going wrong, it's your way of helping. As much as this is a lovely trait, it's not your burden to carry and will often lead to men feeling resentment for making us feel that you think we're inadequate.
In most cases, men prefer time to figure things out on our own and what we really want is to feel that a woman has faith in our ability to fix our own shit and will be there to give a warm hug and some nice words of encouragement. That doesn't mean we don't appreciate advice but we usually prefer to seek it on our own terms.
By doing this not only do you increase your value by providing the right kind of support when needed, but you also remain centred and calm which makes you even more attractive because it shows strength at a time when we may be feeling wobbly - that's super powerful because now you're setting an example that we will aspire to emulate.
9. Literally, Stop!
You may be a mother, a daughter, a sister, a girlfriend/wife, a boss and you may enjoy all of the above but don't forget, more important than any of these things is that you are still YOU. So always remember that civilisation will not grind to a halt if you take some time off to show yourself some much needed love.
Being constantly busy and rushed off your feet is not a sign of productivity, it means there's an imbalance that you need to address or perhaps you're trying to avoid dealing with something else. Just because you can juggle all the different hats you wear, doesn't mean it's good for you, in fact we know it's not.
No matter who you love and what responsibilities you may have, there will come a time when things change as all relationships evolve. Don't lose yourself in the chaos of life attempting to please everyone and everything around you. Sometimes you just need to stop and reconnect with your inner self because there may come a time when you don't recognise the person you've become.
10. Live In The Now, Evolve for the Future
Read, learn, travel, explore, work out, keep fit, eat well and surround yourself with people who can help you reach the next level of whatever it is that you're striving for. Living in the now means enjoying your life, embracing what you have today and being content, right now. But also allow yourself to evolve and grow as you learn more and experience new things.
This will help to remove the constant anxiety of dreaming about a future where you've got that new car, a bigger house, better job, the perfect body, the man of your dreams - all the things that the future promises to give you that will magically improve your life but in reality, these things seldom do.
Living in the now is about appreciating and living your best life today, knowing that the future will bring new experiences and opportunities that will continue to enrich what you already have. This mindset not only keeps you young and stress-free but is also an extremely attractive trait that men will be drawn to.
Peace and Love,