Earlier this year I spent 6 days attending a workshop in Portugal with Sexological Bodyworker Betty Martin dedicated to unravelling the complex mysteries of the world of touch - and I still feel like I've only just scratched the surface.
During this workshop, I was fortunate enough to be surrounded by professional bodyworkers, sex therapists, erotic massage practitioners, sex workers, BDSM madams, relationship councillors and many others from diverse backgrounds who were all able to add their own unique perspective. There are many new insights that I could share but there's one in particular that I think is very interesting because it seems to be an area that is easily overlooked.
Many have never stopped to think about the true dynamic of what takes place when one person touches another in an intimate setting. To understand this we first need to ask the question “who is it for?” This may seem like an obvious question to answer but when we really look at it, touch is often used as a bridge to an intimate encounter rather than a genuine and complete pleasure in of itself.
If touch is used as a tool to help you get from A to B, then it's mainly for you, not your partner, and there is a whole spectrum that they may never really get to appreciate. This is a shame because it's a spectrum that can be so intense that it can create the most sublime sensation your partner may have ever experienced.
When you touch and caress with the sole purpose of pleasing your partner this can create a completely different dynamic where you can take your time and tune in to their every desire. You may be more inclined to communicate and ask questions to gauge the level of pleasure and arousal. You can pay attention to every stroke, every lick and every kiss because there is no final destination, there is only the present, right now; in the moment.
Similarly, at the other end of the spectrum, you may decide to give your body to your partner for them to touch purely for their pleasure, and this too can also feel amazing. So long as the context is clear and mutual consent has been given, you will both be able to embrace your desires to the fullest extent.
Touch for most of the women I encounter is one of the main forms of affection that they miss. There are a number of reasons why this may be the case, perhaps it's due to a busy work/life schedule, a neglectful partner or perhaps a lack of suitable candidates; whatever the case may be, we are social beings and tactile touch is an essential element of what makes us human.
The fingertips contain the highest amounts of nerve endings anywhere on the body and humans are believed to possess the most sensitive areas of skin anywhere in the animal kingdom.
This gives us the opportunity to tune in to a partner's every move, every involuntary twitch, every spasm of delight and learn how to dial them up beyond anything that they may have experienced before.
According to a recent experiment by Canadian Scientists; "light touch, the neck, forearm, and vaginal margin are the most sensitive areas, and the areola is the least sensitive. When it comes to pressure, the clitoris and nipple are the most sensitive, and the side boob and abdomen are the least." Time
There are many ways that you may choose to explore the amazing world of touch whether it's with a partner or on your own - I think the important thing to do is approach with a level of curiosity and an open mind. No matter how experienced we may be, there is always room to grow and always more to learn. Enjoy the journey, not just the final destination.
If you'd like to gain a better understanding of the dynamic of touch I definitely recommend checking out Betty Martin's work on 'The Wheel Of Consent'.
The Seven Veils Exercise
The Seven Veils offers the perfect way for partners to explore the world of touch in the most intimate way.
The Seven Veils is a sexual practice designed to connect the energy field and life force that flows between partners. It is comprised of 7 powerful elements that combine together to create a deep spiritual connection.
In this exercise, you'll explore only the first two veils but you'll soon realise that this exercise is more erotic and more challenging than you ever imagined.
THE FIRST VEIL
- Face and Hands
- Fully dressed above the clothes
- Gentle caress & massage
The first veil can be likened to when wild animals first meet and begin sizing each other up. A primal level of intimate connection takes place as you gaze directly into each other’s soul. From a warm delicate feather-light stroke of the hand to a subtle kiss on the side of the face, you both slowly start to unravel.
Biting or kissing on the lips is out of bounds as the objective is to gently feel and sense every vein, every crease in the skin and every hair follicle on the hands and face. With eyes open, tune in and pay close attention to all involuntary reactions like a deep shiver running down the spine or goosebump emerging on the back of the hand. Move in close alongside their face and inhale deeply, taking in the scent of their hair and the heat emanating from their skin as blood surges through their body.
Ask how they feel, what they like, where they want to be touched and what they can visualise. Take time to slowly absorb your partner's essence and channel it back to them through touch and genuine desire. This is all about a tactile connection so remember to breathe, let go and explore.
THE SECOND VEIL
- Full body
- Fully dressed underneath clothes
- Light kissing, caress & massage
- No erogenous zones
The Second Veil fades away to reveal the neck, arms, torso and feet. The face and hands are also incorporated but all erogenous zones including the breast, genitals, buttocks and anus are out of bounds. Hands now move under the clothes and are free to explore the landscape including the shoulders, chest, stomach, lower back, legs, knees, ankles and feet.
With the focus on breathing, the sensation of touch and your partner’s reaction, you can fully embrace this trilateral union of sensory delight. Visualise and learn to control the waves of energy as if conducting an orchestra. Take time to isolate certain sensations like the feel of hair follicles gently being stroked back and forth, as well as the absence of touch to heighten anticipation.
The skin is a field of electric current that comes alive with energy shooting signals directly to the brain every time you touch. And the more you nurture it, the stronger the current becomes, eventually providing enough energy to create a constant flow of arousal that encapsulates you both.
You may choose to explore these two veils for an hour, a day, a week, a month or even longer. This is an extremely erotic journey so take your time and enjoy all the sensations it has to offer.
If you'd like to learn more about the Seven Veils in all it's glory you can read more about it here. Enjoy.
Peace and Love,