Do You Really Know What You Want Sexually?

Do you really know what you want sexually? Have you genuinely taken the time to ponder the question without fear or insecurity? Without inhibition, guilt or shame? I don't believe most of us have. The closest we seem to come to unfiltered truth is the brief moment before climax when we’re at our most primal state of being.

I think most of us are held captive in the land of contemplation and apprehension. A prisoner to our own thoughts; desires buried so deep we dare not scratch the surface for fear of what we might uncover. We often settle and make do with what we have because life is complicated, but what happens when ‘settling’ isn’t enough?

I come across this mindset often, especially with the women I meet and I completely get it. But there comes a time for some when denial no longer works - when pretending what was enough 5, 10, 15 years ago is still enough today.

Nothing stays the same, especially people and relationships. We are all affected by the things we experience; society, culture, family, the people we engage with, the media we consume, and so on.

It’s virtually impossible not to change over time and there’s no guarantee that the people in our lives will continue to walk the same paths as we do. Nor should they be expected too.

In my recent post, titled "The All-In-One Multi-Purpose Lover", I discussed the logic of monogamy as the default relationship model and the assumption that one partner should be duty bound to satisfy all our needs as we evolve. As much as this may be the ideal for many, (and I may happen to agree for the most part), it’s definitely not always the case. There is often an unfair level of expectation placed on a partner whose path may be very different from our own.

Consciously taking stock of our lives as they are at this point in time (the now) is important if we are to gain a clearer understanding of how our needs and desires change. This is about being honest with ourselves and not allowing fear to dictate how we choose to live.

We can experience deep feelings of guilt when we start asking ourselves honest questions, especially when the answers may hurt the people we care about. We often bury these feelings or try to change others in order to fulfil our needs. Neither of these options tend to work out for the best long term from what I’ve seen because they don’t address the fundamental issue at the core.

That’s not to say that we can’t evolve with our partners to help satisfy each other but pressuring someone against their will to change is more likely to produce feelings of inadequacy and resentment as opposed to a strong desire to please.

Figuring out what we want and what we like can be a difficult and emotional process with no definitive answer. Emotions change with time and what seemed super important yesterday, could be nothing more than a slight concern tomorrow.

Taking time to ponder and reflect on our lives and how our needs change should be something that we are all conscious of as we evolve. And expecting those around us to evolve in the same way or at the same rate is unrealistic as we are all very different.

I appreciate that not everyone is free to indulge their sexual desires as much as others and it may not be a priority, but for those who are, I think you’ll find it to be a liberating and empowering experience.

While most of us are familiar with gifting our bodies and minds to our partners for their sexual gratification (which can be a very special experience) perhaps we should also make more time to appreciate our own bodies and all the orgasmic sensations that we’re capable of experiencing.

Before you can really know what you want, you first have to explore your body and mind inside out. Sexual desire is a product of the mind and soul, so to fully understand it we have to start there and allow our bodies to translate that which we struggle to articulate with words.

If you’d like to experience one of the most intense orgasms ever, I warmly invite you to check out my Hypnotic Orgasmic podcast experience below. I hope you enjoy.

Peace and Love,


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