In a recent article in The Sun, I was asked to give advice to a couple in order for them to spice up their love life which they really enjoyed. I've also written various posts for both men and women about how to really turn a partner on and connect sexually.
However, this post is going to be a little different because we're going deep. I'm not just talking figuratively, I mean literally as well. This will be an explicit journey of deep penetration, stroke by stroke for men who want to know how to turn a woman on in ways she never imagined.
However, beyond whatever sexy words and sentences I may construct to convey my message, I'm a practical man so first I'll address a few self-limiting beliefs and insecurities that many men may hold.
1. You Don't Have To Fuck Like A Pornstar
Porn is make-believe and created for entertainment. Yes, it can be great to watch but most women don't orgasm after 10 minutes of heavy pounding nor do they squirt to kingdom cum after a few licks of their clitoris. But these are the images that most of us grow up watching and it imprints an unrealistic perception of what sex should look like.
I'm sure many women enjoy being ravaged and pounded vigorously on occasion but in general, I think most prefer to be handled with care. Sex for many women is just as much a mental experience as it is physical. So knowing how to build desire and anticipation is the master key that unlocks it all.
2. Don't Focus On Trying To Make Her Orgasm
I always tell the men whom I work with not to focus on the woman's orgasm, focus on learning how to please her and let her pleasure guide you. I had attempted to find a less corny way of expressing the point but I actually think that's the best way to articulate it.
When the focus is on learning how to please as opposed to bringing a woman to orgasm, both can take their time, enjoy each other and allow the orgasm to happen naturally.
3. Talk To Her
I think many women often need encouragement when it comes to verbally communicating with a partner about what they want sexually, especially in the heat of the moment which seems to make many uncomfortable.
Why is this important? If we look at sexual intercourse as two (or more) people connecting and communicating with each other through touch, sight, hearing, smell and taste, why isn't verbal communication a natural part of that? Asking your partner what they want, how they want it and if they like it is not only sexy, it's often necessary.
By far the number one complaint that I hear from women is that they are not getting what they want from men sexually so asking them makes perfect sense. It's also important to create an environment where a woman can feel comfortable expressing what she wants free of guilt, judgment or fear of bruising our egos.
With those issues addressed, I'd now like to discuss the art of intense arousal and slow penetration in intimate detail one sensual stroke at a time.
I'll assume regular readers of my blog would have seen my previous posts on non-penetrative sex which would easily account for 30 to 45 minutes of caressing, massaging, licking and tasting your partner until she arrived at the point of literally wrestling your cock inside her. If not, I definitely recommend that you read this first because it sets the tone for the entire experience.
A Deep Exploration Stroke By Stroke
After bringing my partner to a point of torturous arousal and she's aching for me to slide deep inside her, I make sure she's laying flat on her back and staring directly at me.
Kneeling upright between her legs and staring straight back at her, I slowly insert the tip of my penis inside her pussy and watch how she responds.
I pause for a moment and enjoy the warmth of her wet pussy as it throbs around my cock. All the while maintaining eye contact and breathing deeply contemplating the many ways I could devour her.
I watch how she gyrates and attempts to manoeuvre me deeper inside her but I place my hands firmly on her hips and restrain her. I instruct her not to move until I say so which drives her even more crazy. This is a subtle but wickedly delicious mind fuck firmly rooted in the realm of anticipation and throbbing desire.
With her legs placed on each shoulder, I angle the tip of my cock slightly downward so the shaft is touching her clit. I then bend her legs back to her chest and position myself directly over her, staring face to face. I gently stroke, lick and kiss all around her neck as her pussy tightens and warms the tip of my cock again.
She tries to pull me in deeper and this time I allow just a little more - about an inch or so, just enough for me to slowly slide in and out whilst stroking her clit and watching her every response like a fucking hawk. At no stage do I allow her to look away or close her eyes and my hand is firmly clamped around her neck which is my default position.
Feel Every Part Of Her Pussy
After some time of enjoying the feeling of her throbbing pussy and stroking her clit, I start to move my hips in a circular motion feeling every part of her labia minora (inside vagina wall) very very very slowly.
I visualise what I'm feeling and send all my awareness there, and I instruct her to do the same. I also tell her to breathe slowly into the sensation from the depths of her stomach. I'll keep reminding her to do this throughout.
Whilst doing this I caress, stroke and kiss from her neck to her breast. Then when she's least expecting it I slide almost all the way in and embrace her in a hug with my arms wrapped firmly around her neck and one hand cradling her head. This is the type of hug where two bodies literally melt into one as they connect - that's the type of embrace I'm referring to.
Then I'm completely still as she inhales. It's a combination of surprise, unexpected pleasure and relief that she's finally able to let go of the immense anticipation that's been building up for so long - perhaps days in some cases.
I'll remain deep inside her for some time, completely still. My hand returns to its default position around her neck and our eyes are again locked. This time I slide all the way in, every inch until our pelvic areas meet, so deep she can feel me on her cervix.
She inhales, then exhales as she relaxes so she can take all of me. I ask her how she feels to which she doesn't even reply. Instead, she snarls at me, clenches her teeth, tightens her legs around my waist and moves me into her desired position - fucking sexy.
Now what's happened here is she's telling me that she is ready and waiting for me to explore every inch of her pussy. With such a warm invitation, it would be an absolute sin not to take my time and learn how to push her firmly over the edge.
Find Her Sweet Spot
I ask her exactly where she wants it and how deep she'd like me to go. I allow her to show me exactly how to please her in a way that turns her on the most.
But this is, of course, a double edge sword because once I find the sweet spot that drives her crazy I tease the life out of her with it. I apply more pressure and as it builds I slow it down. Then I come back but this time from a different angle, one that's not so intense as she fights to position me back where she wants it. Then I go deeper and slide up rubbing on her clit as I bite her neck. Slowly sliding back down into her sweet spot which I navigate around.
I move away and then slowly back towards her sweet spot knowing she's dying for me to stroke it just the way she likes but I stop just short of it. Then I move away again and start slowly stroking another area of her pussy which I know she'll enjoy but I'm still frustrating the hell out of her.
I'm teaching her that if she wants something she's going to have to bloody well take it. She has to be prepared to put aside any artificially constructed notions of what is acceptable behaviour of a 'classy lady' and hold me in position and make me fuck her the way she wants me to.
Once she is willing to open up and embrace her true sexuality, I give her exactly what she wants and I don't deviate. I don't speed up or slow down nor do I start pounding away or changing positions. I stroke the exact same spot over and over and over until she tells me otherwise.
It's an interesting state of mind for me because I find it highly arousing but my own orgasm is the last thing on my mind. In fact, I often try to hold it for as long as I can and I may not release at all if I can help it. The pleasure for me has always come from being able to share that moment when a woman really doesn't give a fuck and can just let go and enjoy.
Massage Her Thighs As She Cums
At this point, she's gone, she's somewhere else. She's off in the clouds and feeling her orgasm build like she's never felt it before. Without knowing it she's telling me exactly how to make her orgasm and all I do from this point on onwards is to follow her lead. I often find myself taking a step back to appreciate her orgasm. It's like being treated to a beautiful performance as I massage her thighs and encourage her to take a bite of the apple of carnal pleasure.
Her eyes are now closed, face all screwed up and sweaty with her hair looking a complete mess. She clamps me firmly between her legs in a slightly uncomfortable position as she grips either side of the bed sheets. She makes all kinds of sounds and really doesn't give a fuck about the neighbours or anything else for that matter.
And then, when it's finally time to let go, she releases a wave of orgasmic pleasure so intense it ripples through her entire body. I continue doing exactly what she wants, how she wants it. Not faster, not harder, not deeper, not softer, just the same.
The waves continue and she starts to think what the fuck is going on. Her orgasm could last anywhere between 30 seconds to 5 minutes or more. This is not the same type of explosive 10-second orgasm that we usually experience, this is different. Everything that took place before and during penetration, especially the anticipation and the slow deliberate build-up resulted in a release of orgasmic energy that completely takes over the mind, body and soul.
This is when I come in close and embrace her gently with a warm hug, still continuing to stroke her sweet spot. I refer to it as 'grounding, which feels like the right term to use because this is where we realign and connect as she slowly starts to return from her journey. It's only at this point do I start to slow down the penetration.
As she begins to come to terms with what just happened, I gently massage her thighs outwards towards her feet which allows her to connect the sensation of touch with the waves of pleasure still emanating from her pussy.
She opens her eyes as I come in to focus with a subtle but mischievous half grin on my face. She doesn't know whether to hit me or hug me but she opts for the latter and pulls me in close whilst I'm still inside.
We may kiss, laugh, conversate or say nothing at all. But when I talk about learning how to please a woman and nurture her sexuality, this is what it feels like.
A Few Points Of Clarification
1. This type of connection and full body orgasmic experience requires trust, time and honest communication in an environment where all parties feel free to let go and express themselves - this needs to be nurtured.
2. A woman's sweet spot may change depending on the position and how she's feeling at that moment so assuming it will be the same, is not necessarily true. Don't be afraid to ask if you're unsure.
3. Many women are accustomed to giving of themselves but to really open her up, she may need to be taught how to take freely. It's actually a lot harder to take than it sounds when you're naturally a giver so having a clear understanding of who's giving and who's taking can be really beneficial. Betty Martin has done some fantastic work on this.
4. Learning to control your orgasm as a man is one of the most valuable skills you can learn when it comes to improving your sex life. It's a massive discipline and I recommend all men look into it. In general, the key is breathing and learning how to slow things down and pace yourself. Check out The Multi-Orgasmic Man for a comprehensive breakdown.
5. Adopt a students mentality and don't be afraid to make 'mistakes' and ask questions. Women will tell you most of what you need to know in order to be a great lover. Ego really is the enemy.
6. Lastly, the single most insightful realisation I have been fortunate enough to figure out along my journey is this... care about her orgasm more than your own. A little corny perhaps, but trust me, that's some sage wisdom right there.
Peace and Love,
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