There's an elephant in the room and I'd like to address it. Along my travels and the many conversations that I have with both men and women, there definitely seems to be, among some, an internal conflict of desire.
The burden of conscience and morality weighs heavy on the mind when certain emotions arise. Especially feelings of a sexual nature that a partner may not be able or willing to fulfil. Hence, the mythical all-in-one, multi-purpose partner who in reality is often unable to satisfy all our needs, especially as the years go by.
As I ponder this dilemma I'm left thinking about my own desires and list of requirements that I may look for in a partner. I may very well need to genetically engineer someone in order for them to tick all these boxes. From the physical and mental, to the sexual and spiritual which is constantly evolving, how realistic is it for me to expect one partner to fulfil all my desires?
Clearly, I'm not the first person to ponder this question. There are many people who embrace polygamy, polyandry, polyamory and many different forms of open relationships where no one individual is expected to fulfil all their partner's needs. It's a fascinating subject and there's an awful lot to unpack which I'm not going to attempt to do in this post but I would like to distil a few points.
I'll use myself as an example; I have a very keen interest in BDSM, Dominant / submissive relationships, Tantra and sexual development. I enjoy watching a partner orgasm in public and I also enjoy the occasional psychedelic stimulant. I like to travel to remote locations and I sometimes like to hibernate indoors for weeks at a time working on pet projects.
I like adrenaline-fuelled activities like riding motorbikes ridiculously fast and jumping out of things. I'm a book worm and research junkie who geeks out on history, world politics, economics and quantum physics. I'm a gamer, an artist, I love fragrances, fashion and shoe shopping. I don't do football or pubs, but love tennis and snooker. I'm pretty much vegan, don't drink tap water, enjoy cooking, working out and watching box sets on a lazy Sunday afternoon.
In years to come, I could very well be living off the grid in nature with a stack of books, an allotment and a partner who teaches me kung-fu and walks around naked in a permanent state of arousal. I could go on but I'm sure you get the picture. I'm unlikely to find someone who is going to embrace all of my interests and desires as I go through life and I may be completely satisfied with that. But on the other hand, I may not, and she may feel the same.
At 39 years old, my awareness of what I want and the freedom afforded me from having a child of adult age puts me in a fortunate position to make decisions with the benefit of hindsight. So when I look at a traditional monogamous relationship model, as beautiful as it is, it's not the only path available to me.
There's a reason why you're probably familiar with the term 'polygamy' but perhaps not so familiar with the term 'polyandry'. That's because 'polyandry' refers to two or more men who marry the same wife, with the wife being able to sleep with her husbands as she pleases.
Draupadi, a female character in ancient India had five husbands! I can imagine all the men reading this experiencing some serious squeaky bum time but what's good for the goose...
Polyandry is practised in Tibet, Nepal and some parts of China, India and Africa. Obviously this never really caught on so much in the West, especially here in the UK. A woman with two husbands? Preposterous I'm sure.
However, these days, both men and women all over the world are a lot more open to sharing their love and affection with others which is the dynamic of many 'non-traditional' relationships. I'm not saying it's a bed of roses for those who choose to embrace other relationship models as each will have their own challenges. However, the usual knee-jerk reaction that many have towards this subject is probably not the most productive way to look at things.
Desire is like attraction, it's not a choice, it's just something that we feel. But we do get to decide how and what we do about it. Whatever we choose, it should be what works best for us and not what society deems correct and proper.
We are all complex irrational imperfect beings on a journey of constant change whether we embrace it or not. So being honest with ourselves and owning our desires is a good place to start. Just some food for thought.
Peace and Love,