I Get Nervous Too
This is perhaps an odd thing for someone in my profession to admit, but we all experience nerves at some stage.
We tend to have a natural urge to tense up and resist these feelings but I've realised that this is often what creates the magic between two people.
One of my not-so-guilty pleasures is a show called 'First Date' where strangers meet at a nice restaurant in the city for a blind date. Without fail, pretty much everyone who turns up comments on how nervous they feel. They then proceed to down a few drinks to help calm the nerves. I'm sure many can relate to this.
I tend not to get nervous in intimate settings but given the type of personal development that I do which often pushes boundaries, nerves can certainly play a part. However, as I have evolved over the years, I have definitely become a lot more open to embracing various types of emotion and staying present instead of fighting against it.
I'm not saying that I have completely conquered all fears and insecurities because that was never my goal. But I think it's important to acknowledge our emotions and allow them to flow freely. It's akin to calmly observing ourselves in third person as opposed to being consumed by all the noise going on in our heads.
I may voice my emotions if I feel to share them or I may choose to keep the experience internal. I have learnt that there is a lot of benefit in being able to get out of your own head and surrender to energy, which is what emotion really is.
Not everything requires a cerebral diagnosis and detailed plan of action. Sometimes it's best to remain centred and trust our instincts to guide us. It's vulnerability, openness, exposure - not something most men are used to engaging with on a conscious level.
They say practice makes perfect and this is no exception, although perfection is not the goal. I prefer to strive for an imperfect state of mind open to pushing boundaries and receiving what the universe may have in store.
In this industry, we as sex workers often adopt a persona of perfection offering the ultimate fantasy. That's fine for a weekend of passion but given the type of sexual development work that I do which can involve months of intense intimacy, I can feel exposed and vulnerable just like everyone else.
I guess the main difference is that it's an area that I very much enjoy and I've learnt to embrace it. I may experience challenges along the way but I'm committed to a path of constant improvement, not just for the sake of my clients, but for myself as an individual.
Women, in particular, tend to feel extremely vulnerable when making initial contact with me and others like myself. In fact, there are many women who never even make it that far because of fear, shame, guilt and all the other emotions that they may experience.
We all have our own ways of dealing with these feelings but it's important to own them, and not let them own us. Whether it's fear or anything else that makes us uncomfortable, we should embrace it instead of trying to block it out.
We can't be open without vulnerability, nor can we be secure without acknowledging our insecurities.
Peace and Love,