According to the English dictionary, the word 'Sexuality' means the capacity for sexual feelings or a person's sexual orientation or preference. I suspect the latter part of this definition is probably a little easier to figure out than the former.
What Do I Mean By This? Sexual orientation, whilst subject to change and often complicated, is usually something that most of us have a fairly good grasp of.
On the other hand, when we consider our 'capacity for sexual feelings' things start to become considerably more opaque. As a society, we have been systematically programmed to associate truly embracing our sexuality with something improper and undignified.
From religion, politics, media and society as a whole, there has been a constant drive to control our natural desire to express ourselves sexually. This to me seems to be the reason why many of us have adopted a somewhat prudish mentality towards sexuality. It’s not something to be discussed openly but yet we’ll happily gather around the TV with the entire family and enjoy a violent movie where people die. God forbid a sex scene happen to occur and you'll see adults struggle to hide their embarrassment as they scramble for the remote to flick the channel.
How can you know yourself and your true capacity to connect with another if there’s such a huge part of our inner being that remains largely undiscovered and suppressed?
We spend most of our lives interacting with other people all the while not really having taken the time to explore the depths within. There are many of us who may never stumble upon this realisation but for those of us that do, it can feel like there’s a gaping hole of untapped energy that we’re unable to embrace freely.
As daunting as this may feel, and as much as it may cause many of us to retreat within ourselves, this can be the start of a life-changing journey of self-discovery. Fear of the unknown is completely natural and it serves to teach a valuable lesson to those who choose to open their minds.
Ever since our ancestors walked the earth fear has always been necessary for survival. But in this day and age, we are well beyond survival and are blessed with the opportunity to thrive. However, those who are in positions of power and influence use fear as a method of control to further their own agenda. Freeing the mind of these mental shackles can require a lot of time and effort; in fact, it can be a lifelong journey but as they say, the destination is not the goal, the path is.
This is something that I have been fortunate enough to explore myself and will continue to do so passionately. I have met clients who have brought immense pleasure to my life, in many different ways, far beyond money and sexual gratification and for that, I am eternally grateful.
They often don’t even realise that they nurture me as much as I nurture them. I can recall times when I’ve been in some remote location on the other side of the world meditating in a room full of people all connecting to their essence. Blissful silence is broken by unhindered crying, laughter, chanting, singing, shouting, screaming and dancing. There's an overwhelming sense of release, far removed from the constant brow-beating of those who elect themselves the arbiters of all things 'decent and proper'.
The inner voice that we battle with is the hardwired programming that we have all been subject to from birth, perhaps even before that according to Epigenetics. The question is who does this programming serve? A partner? Family members? Society? Religion? Ourselves? Surely it’s for us to decide whether or not we are content with the mindset that we have largely inherited.
This widely accepted standard operating code that defines 'appropriate' expressions of sexuality may be ok for some, but for those of us who are wired differently, it can be a difficult road to navigate fraught with guilt, shame and frustration.
In a recent interview with BBC C5 radio (I'll let you know when it airs), I was asked to explain the difference between a ‘Sexual Development Companion’, which is a title that I feel most aptly describes the service that I provide, and a prostitute. Firstly, if I felt that the title of 'Prostitute' was accurate, I’d have no issue owning it. Much of society's views on the subject of prostitution are extremely myopic and filled with stereotypical images of drugs, curb crawling and abused women - clearly not every prostitute fits this mould.
Secondly, my role is to provide a space for the women whom I spend time with to explore their sexuality in a way that best serves them. Sexuality is a massively complex and intricate part of our psyche so the usual approach of boiling everything down to the physical act of sexual intercourse feels inadequate, to say the least.
Sexual energy is a natural source of power that resides within us all to one degree or another. I believe the reason why there has been such a huge effort by certain groups and institutions over the years to suppress this energy is because they're fully aware of its power. From burning 'witches' at the stake to modern day 'slut-shaming', the act may have changed, but the mindset still prevails.
I believe those of us who are in tune with our sexuality are a threat to the status quo. We occupy an uncomfortable space in the minds of those who choose to conform because we challenge the very fabric of their reality.
I often see a mixed variety of emotions when people discover what I do for a living. There are often elements of fascination, disgust, admiration, confusion, jealousy, disappointment and every other type of emotion you can imagine.
I feel that anyone who seeks to explore their sexuality and embrace it on their own terms will often experience resistance from others. This is natural and completely understandable but we all have our own path to travel. It’s not for one to dictate to another how happiness and inner-peace should be achieved.
Sexuality is a vast topic and one deserving of a much more expansive discussion beyond the scope of this post. Alas, there are no breath-taking pearls of wisdom or grand conclusion to end on; just some food for thought, or perhaps not.
In love and light,