The Four Pillars

I’ve always thought it is important to have a good understanding of the underlying desires when meeting a client. What does she really want? Why is she here? What can I bring to the table? The motive can vary greatly from one person to another so being able to discuss this openly in detail is super important. Unfortunately, it’s not something that comes naturally to most – in fact, let me correct myself; it’s not something that's often nurtured.

Over the period of an evening or perhaps a weekend our time together is usually spent getting to know each other in a fairly short space of time. Having said that, we tend to tune in and respond to other peoples energy so it’s often only a matter of time before we’re chatting away and flirting away like old friends – literally. Whilst this is usually always exciting there are certain things I have to consider when thinking about how to give a client exactly what she wants in the time allocated. In my experience, unlike men, women are not switches to be turned on or off, as arousal is a gradual process where a genuine connection is required for her to truly open up.

Now I'm currently prepping for 4-week abroad with a client and my goal is to provide her with an amazing journey of sexual and spiritual development. We’ll be practising 'Qigong' - an ancient Chinese art which is a form of movement, breathing, and meditation that literally means "Life Energy Cultivation". We'll be staying in a lovely retreat set in an idyllic location with no distractions or time restraints. With this in mind, I think a specially designed sexual development plan will complement our journey together and focus on the things that are important to her. I love being spontaneous and going with the flow but I also believe that taking the time to think about the experience I'd like to give her will really add a new dimension to things.

During our previous conversations, she mentioned that she was happy to leave things up to me which is extremely flattering. And that got me thinking, which in turn resulted in pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard in fact – and here we are. So my intention is to put together a 4-week plan for sexual development designed to nurture a warm sensual environment of sexual empowerment and freedom. I refer to this as the ‘The four pillars’.

1. Connection

This is fundamental to everything we hope to achieve and without it, there’s little possibility for anything else. Connection is good, and we all know how important it is but how do we define it? Is it sexual chemistry? Attraction? Trust? Lust? I think it’s all of these things but if I were to sum it up and distil the essence I’d say it’s simply the feeling of being understood. Often overlooked, it forms the basis of any meaningful interaction and offers so much in return so this is the logical place to start.

2. Exploration

I was initially going to title this section ‘likes and dislikes’ but I feel ‘Exploration’ is better suited because that’s the best way to discover the answer to those questions. And exploration takes time, in a relaxed mental space where we are both free to let go. This will be intricately woven into our entire experience as it will help to nurture that sexual confidence that is often lacking.

3. Blockages and Healing

This will always be a sensitive subject because many of us carry baggage from our past, a lot of which we may be unaware of. It could be memories from our childhood, relationship issues, abuse, emotional repression, etc. The interesting thing about these issues I find is that when they arise, with the right care and support these feelings can often be overcome and lead to a greater sense of fulfilment. This obviously requires a lot of trust and a genuine desire to please but the rewards are mutually beneficial and it’s a beautiful experience to be a part of.

4. Breath-work

This is something that's super important and the fact that we’ll be focused on this throughout our stay at the Yoga retreat will only serve to heighten our experience. The practice of controlling our breathing and using our energy and the flow of oxygen and blood through the body is amazing and can result in some seriously intense encounters, seemingly out of this world.

Without sounding too grandiose; for me can it provides access to another part of our consciousness and this is where I want to take her. The practice of breath work is a well-studied and widely respected form of spiritual enlightenment from the Taoist Monks of Northern China to the Shamans of Peru. I’d encourage everyone to research this topic and see how it may be able to add value to your relationships and life as a whole.

Closing thoughts

There are many other areas that I’ll incorporate into our time together like the art of simple touch and taking the time to appreciate the feeling across different parts of the body. The feeling of extreme arousal and the ability to control the sensation and channel energy around the body; and how this can be stored and built up over time in the form of sexual transmutation. And of course, the many ways in which we can experience the intensity of deep and shallow penetration.

I want to incorporate all of this into her experience but ultimately it will be underpinned by 'the four pillars' I mentioned previously.

Without addressing the fundamentals and establishing the right foundation we’re unlikely to be able to experience anything close to our true potential. In saying that I think we can all achieve this if we are willing to open up and deal with certain issues that may be holding us back. It’s different for each person but we live in a society where judgment and social conditioning affects us all to one extent or another.

We’re far too magnificent a species to have our wings clipped; we can either chose to address whatever issues we may have buried deep inside or we can remain enslaved to dogmatic views and repressive learnt behaviour.

Eagles were meant to fly.

(The Four Pillars provide a foundation for a step-by-step process designed to fully explore the different levels of arousal - stay tuned.)

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