The Grey

In a recent piece for Cosmo they asked me a question that got me pondering...

Q. “Have you ever become attached to a client?”

A. “Not often, but occasionally it can happen. It’s not particularly hard for me to keep my emotions ‘at bay’ as such because I don’t feel the need to. I can have an intense connection with a woman and still have her remain a client if she’s able to do the same.”

Interesting question; one deserving of more than a few lines, especially as this is my mind space. As a side note, I’d like to thank Paisley for the piece, great probing questions, brilliantly edited – thanks hun.x

Back to pondering and not feeling the need to keep my feelings at bay. My response was conjured up without filter or pretence, probably because I'd not long arrived back from a lovely night spent with a client when I sat down to write it. This was the first time we’d met but we clicked instantly, stroking, gazing, laughing - the chemistry was palpable. Despite having a private section of the bar all to ourselves, that didn’t stop the staff from peering over every time they wandered past.

The more cynical minded might be calling for a reality check so here it is…I’m paid to make these things happen. I’m paid to make women feel amazing, feel wanted and desired - so maybe I’m just well incentivised – and they’d be right. But there’s more to it than that, the exchange of money for time is one thing, but genuine attraction is another and some will find it impossible to fathom but the two can co-exist.

I guess there are many female friends who I could spend time with but with limited hours in the day, I prioritise. Clients usually come first so what they are paying for is access to me when they want it, often on their terms. Fortunately for me I happen to enjoy it but I’m aware of the distinction between the two.

Blurred lines can sometime muddy the water when you spend too much time in the grey. I’m often called a therapist because I know how to listen and offer support. I’m reachable via text, phone or email, and often a lot more accommodating than their partners. Or sometimes I just offer a bit of escapism from their happily married but mundane relationships.

I tend to like the grey area of life, I don’t hold back and as I’ve spent the last 3 years figuring out the escort’s code on my own, I’m happy making it up as I go along. This is not without complications as some clients can get too attached but this is no different from dating. The last girl I was seeing left me, she was pissed that I wasn’t more black and white. I was neither the Johnny-come-lately fuck boy nor the devoted boyfriend, which she knew from the start. She said I was fucking with her head and perhaps she was right. Not intentionally but I totally get it, we’re always trying to make sense of the world around us and when you can’t put someone in a box, it can be a total head fuck.

Despite being completely up front from the beginning, there are disparities between logic and emotion that become painfully apparent. In typical Libra fashion, I’m still searching for perfect harmony but I doubt I’ll find it anytime soon. Life, love and relationships - now that’s a head fuck all on it own.

You can read the rest in Cosmo.

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