Is Monogamy the only way?
Monogamy is still the yardstick for which we use to judge a persons character. ‘He’s an honest reliable man with a wife and kids.’ Otherwise implying that anything else should be afforded less status due to our narrow-minded views of human relationships.
Personally I don’t think monogamy is a mans natural base instinct and the divorce courts are jam packed with men who have succumb to their desire to fuck other women. The issue here isn’t fucking other women; the issue is how you choose to go about it.
Most of us enter in to relationships with the wrong mindset, and I have been guilty of this myself in the past. There are many reasons why we end up in relationships but perhaps some of the most common reasons are the need for security, emotional and financial support, companionship and regular access to sex. There’s nothing wrong with embracing these feelings but it’s usually the insecurities behind these emotions that cause the cracks further down the line.
With these emotions comes the weight of unrealistic expectation and inevitable disappointment in the form of resentment and hostility. Hence the stereo typical nagging wife who contemplates leaving in the hope of finding a new ‘one’ and the despondent husband in the strip club who pays women to listen to him bitch and complain while secretly wanting to titty fuck them.
The sad truth is that the same half naked woman in the strip club probably has a man at home feeling exactly the same as the other guy, so what’s going on here? I think over familiarity and unrealistic expectations kill attraction – so the same woman who you couldn’t wait to rip her clothes off and fuck her on the kitchen table is now the miserable wife in doors with rollers in her hair telling you to take out the garbage before you come to bed. Oh, and by the way she’s got a headache so you’ll be going to sleep with blue balls or jacking off quietly in the bathroom hoping she doesn’t notice. I’m not slamming monogamy but I am saying that this ‘ideal’ is not the only recipe for a happy and fulfilling relationship.
At this stage of my life open relationships work well for me, it’s what I want and I’m mature enough to accept that this may not be everyone’s cup of tea. For me I’m able to show genuine affection and share a deep connection with more than one woman without feeling the need for exclusivity. I’m secure enough within myself to respect her right to see other guys (or other women if I’m invited ;) without trying to control her. My relationship with them is very individual; I appreciate them for who they are mentally and physically and I value what they bring to the table. If and when this ceases to be true we’ll part company in a respectful manner without the drama of messy breakups because the parameters of these relationships have been established from day one.
This is not to say that open relationships don’t have their challenges, of course they do because if you value the other person’s feelings you still have to accommodate them in one way. But for me these are issues that I am prepared to deal with because of the value that I place on these relationships. My stance is not based on the principle of kissing many frogs to find an exclusive princess, it’s based on my honest desire to explore and express myself intimately with multiple partners who all bring something unique to my life.
If and when I do decide to choose an exclusive relationship I intend to refrain from layering on unnecessary expectations and methods of control that ultimately kill attraction.